damaged kiwii: hey leah... i want you to know i'll stay with you forver... as long as you need me... always a shoulder for you to lean on. and i swear, if you need me, i'll be there to help you. if i don't come, just remind me, say, "haewon, you promised.." and i'll remember..
angel of fire196: ditto
angel of fire196: but.. what spurred this statement?
damaged kiwii: jordan...
angel of fire196: mm???
damaged kiwii: us talking about ever leaving one another..
damaged kiwii: the only way i could -ever- love or trust anyone ever again would be with your help... you and i are unconditional...
angel of fire196: darling.. you and i will always be unconditional.. and i promise.. i will help you.. if ever that situation should arise
damaged kiwii: thanks... and now! homework...
damaged kiwii: love ya...
angel of fire196: lol
angel of fire196: love ya too

Leah sent me this conversation she'd saved between the two of us.. and it's still true, as it is with all my friends. Maybe I haven't actually PROMISED you.. but you can always come to me for help. I'll do my best.

-le petit kiwii

Pete and I are officially and completely over... I'm simultaneously relieved and upset.. But, I think.. it's for the best.

PLEASE. GIVE ME HUGS. I NEED THEM.
THIS IS THE ONLY TIME I WILL BEG FOR THEM.

Time to pack up and move on.. and be happy.. because that's all he asked of me.

Dare I say I actually look kind of decent as of late? I'm really digging being blond. I think it's going to stay like this at LEAST until I see Kaya at AUSA with my darling paradiselost.

I'm moving back up to RIT on the 29th. Bloody hell. D: A new entry with a picture-summary of the time since I got sent home from the hospital til now will be posted soonish.

-Le petit kiwii

There is nothing remarkable about me.. all I have is my art. I have to develop my art... or I'm nothing.

I'm going to make a promise. Here and now. And that promise is this:

When I have 1,000 dollars at my disposal I'm going to indulge in the ultimate decadent sundae:


THE GOLDEN OPULENCE SUNDAE from Serendipity 3

“5 scoops of the richest Tahitian vanilla bean ice cream infused with Madagascar vanilla and covered in 23K edible gold leaf, the sundae is drizzled with the world’s most expensive chocolate, Amedei Porceleana, and covered with chunks of rare Chuao chocolate, which is from cocoa beans harvested by the Caribbean Sea on Venezuela’s coast. The masterpiece is suffused with exotic candied fruits from Paris, gold dragets, truffles and Marzipan Cherries. It is topped with a tiny glass bowl of Grand Passion Caviar, an exclusive dessert caviar, made of salt-free American Golden caviar, known for its sparkling golden color. It’s sweetened and infused with fresh passion fruit, orange and Armagnac. The sundae is served in a baccarat Harcourt crystal goblet with an 18K gold spoon to partake in the indulgence served with a petite mother of pearl spoon and topped with a gilded sugar flower by Ron Ben-Israel.” (source: www.boingboing.net)

One day, I will eat it. I'm being 100% serious.

-le petit kiwii

:D Yeeeees.

Depeche Mode cover

As some of you know, I used to be Catholic. While I'm not some kind of ridiculous hardcore atheist (and I have met quite a few of those, nothing annoys me more.. even hardcore Christians) sometimes I find myself wanting to make young Christians cry.

Let me give you a (somewhat) amusing/painful example of one of these times. I actually haven't said anything mean to this poor girl. But let me assure you.. it definitely crossed my mind:

( under the cut is a conversation I had with a young Christian conservative about Lolita Fashion )

I anxiously await her reply. Oh, Christians. I am not impressed.

Le petit kiwii

"There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the EVIL, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it I have now surpassed. My pain is constant and sharp and I do not hope for a better world for anyone, in fact I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape, but even after admitting this there is no catharsis, my punishment continues to elude me and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself; no new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing."

- AMERICAN PSYCHO

OH HOLY JESUS. NOT PRETTY ENOUGH NOT TALENTED ENOUGH. FUCKING FREAKING OUT OVER HERE. D:

I hate funny T-Shirts. I hate them. I didn't even realize HOW MUCH I hate them until today. Funny T-Shirts tell me that you think you're witty and snide and that you probably have no girlfriend. The only reason ever to wear a funny t-shirt is to be ironic.. but then only you'll think it's funny. I'll still think you're a loser.

Wearing a funny t-shirt is like.. telling a bad joke over and over. Or telling a good joke so many times it BECOMES bad. I don't care how fucking hilarious you think it is, it still makes me want to hit you in the face with a shovel.

Funny t-shirts come in many flavors - there are the geeky ones (specific to certain jobs, media, or subculture), the slutty ones (mostly for girls), the offensive ones.. and other variations. Many different types of people wear them. The thing that bothers me is what these people often seem to have in common. When I see a person with a funny t-shirt on it tells me a couple of things:

01. You're unoriginal. People who are actually funny don't need built-in jokes on their clothing. You probably steal material from comedy central and try to pass it off as your own in your lame attempt to get girls to think you're funny (if you're a boy).. or to get guys to think that you're cool and laid back (if you're a girl). Tip: get your own fucking material.

02. If you're a guy: You have zero sense of style. It's not ALWAYS true, but people who own mostly t-shirts and wear mostly t-shirts with words on them tend not to wear much else besides those t-shirts. You're probably some mentally challenged douche bag who bathes in Axe and whose idea of high fashion is some pastel-colored, oxford button down monstrosity.

03. If you're a girl: You're probably a moron. Or a slut. Or both. Or a geeky girl who wants geeky guys to think she's cool. Actually, sometimes that one actually works. But being cute and having boobs can make a lot of things work.



04. You might.. just MIGHT be a fatty. There aren't too many things that will flatter your figure once you're well over 250 lbs. While I applaud you for not trying to wear something inappropriate for your size, I also have to take away some points for your lack of effort. This is America. There are plenty of boutiques that specialize in clothing for people who are plus-sizes. I don't hate the fatties, I just want them to be healthy and look nice. Don't give up.

05. You're lazy. I realize not everyone is interested in fashion... but everyone is interested in looking good. A little time and effort into accessorizing and getting some nice clothes that fit you well can make you look so much more put together. Instead you choose sloppy mediocrity.

06. Six is a culmination of things one through five; you need to grow up. Funny t-shirts scream immaturity to me. Either you don't care about your appearance or you're not old enough to realize that there's anything wrong with it to begin with.

I'm not completely condemning funny shirts.. every now and then even I am tempted to purchase one that I think particularly fits my personality. But in the long run, you shouldn't make it a habit. Or else I WILL come for you.

-le petit kiwii

Soon there will be a post here about me journaling more often and goals etc. Until then have this picture of me and my lil sister.



My god, look how fucking maternal and happy I look. I still hate babies.. but Tara is a pretty cute baby. I also enjoy thinking about corrupting her slowly as she grows up and making awesome tiny clothes for her. Is that wrong? Probably.

In other news; I greatly desire to kill my dad. Two fucking things on the floor is not "messy". I'm getting fucking fed up with his anal perfectionist bullshit.

//le petit kiwii//

Oh well whatever nevermind.

Kaya liked Repo. Lol.

In other news I'll be back to school in a matter of days! D:

So, after having thoroughly abused my body for four days straight, I've recovered from hell week.

In short, I spent a whole 3 days in a row pulling all-nighters with maybe a two hour nap thrown in once or twice. After which I slept a whole day and didn't eat for 30 hours. Needless to say, I felt like crap.

But I finished my film projects. All I have left now is my Japanese exam. Whoo~! Then I head home for break.
I feel pretty accomplished.

//kiwii//